Wrong Tone. 

I don't know how to explain how i feel now.
I am just concern asking you how is your job search. I just want to know how it is? Anybody call you?
Maybe my tone i use is wrong. I am sorry.

I read your blog. I am sad to see what you have type. Don't know what i can do to make you happy, smile from your heart.
Seriously i don't know where the problem come from. If it is from your family then i can't do much but if it is from me who make you unhappy then i think i will have to reflect on what i have done to make you felt this way.
I remember the long message that you send me saying my expectations for you is too high. I admit on this point. I think is because of my mum, her expectations for my bf and even future husband is very high. In order to let you meet the expectations that she is looking for, i have to set my expectations for you even higher. I am sorry to give you this stress.
Maybe this is one of the reason that make you can't smile from heart.

I really wish to see you smiling from your heart again. Maybe i should not tell you too much about what i want for my future life. Maybe i should just let you do what you want and stop questioning you too much.

Just to let you know, your unhappiness will be mine too. Your stress will be mine too.
You seem to be always tired, maybe is because of your shift work or maybe you are just tired of me. [Sorry to have this mindset.]

Just want to let you know, if you really need the time to do your things do let me know. I will give you all the time you need. I will always be at your side no matter you are happy or sad. I want to share you happiness as well as your sadness.
I hope you understand my situation.





When will i see you smile again?

Wonderful weekend.

I have a wonderful weekend with boyfren. But is also a super tired weekend yet i am very happy. Haha.

We spent our 25th month anniversary at home sleep for the first half day. Because is boyfren first off day. But he woke up in the evening just to bring me out to the DNA bridge. (He told me that is call DNA bridge) We took picture as well but i think due to the lighting at night he cant take much nice picture.

Spent my night with him. The next day we went to the food fair at Expo and back to my house for swimming and also early dinner at home. And me (the pig) fall asleep after my dinner. Haha After waking up we went to ikea to help his sis to buy something and also look for big computer table for me.

Hope i can buy it in June.

The month of June is a busy week. Should say only the first 2 week is busy. Haha.

Okay. i will stop talking if not you guys will be bored. Show you guys all the picture that we took. I didn't edit much on the picture as i feel no need to do it. Haha.

Long Weekend have end. Need to get back to work again tml. And having school tml as well.
Boring but no choice. That is our life. Haiz.


I miss my baobei so much now. But i never pick him up at his work because i am tired and i have my school work not done yet.
Sorry baobei.

A Bad start 

It was a bad start for me today. He sms me in the middle of the night when i am asleep. But i read the sms when my alarm ring and that is the first things i saw when i open my eye from the sleep with no washing up at all. It bring me all the way down to hell. I am serious. My tears just drop when i read. After read i lie down straight and think. After a few minutes i pull myself up to prepare for work. I SO don't wish to go work today.
I even cry when i am bathing. My heart just super pain. Even now i am typing my tears is dropping.

i think for the whole morning on how to reply him. And i think i send 12 pages of message over to him.
i can't force myself to smile at all. =[

I don't know how to explain to you all out there how i feel. I think when you receive this message from your loves one then you will understand.

Maybe i am wrong and you are right. My expectations for you is too high. But did you ever think why will i like this. Because i think of our future.
People say don't put in 100% in your relationship and don't plan too much on future things because you wont know what will happen next. But i think i have put more then 100% in this relationship. Is way to over then anyone can think of. Up to you to believe.

Struggling, no Worry-free a day. This are the 2 words that i receive from you. Also this is the 2 words that hurt me deeply. And also wake me up. I seriously don't know my action and my way of doing things make you feel so 'Xin Ku' to live.

It remind me of another him in the past. We break off because of i am not independent. This is what he say and i remember it till now and will be forever. But because of him i think i know how to love a person correctly and found my man now.

There is a lot of thing in life make us sad and angry. And the one that will affect us is LOVE. It can affect us very easily especially woman. And i am one of them.

I hope after this SMS we will know each other better and will last longer. I really don't wish to end this relationship. I really love you that much until me myself also don't know how to describe it.
I think after this we will have consider clearly that we WANT each other and need each other forever no matter what happen.
I Love you no matter what happen and wont leave you no matter what happen.  =]
 
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Second thing for today that i wan to say.
I am thinking why do boyfren and galfren can't be frens when they break off? Is it so hard to talk as frens again? And heard that we are not invited to his/her birthday party. (Maybe you invited me through Facebook but sorry I haven check my Facebook and i receive message from my friend about this already.) Even me who is STILL his/her fren. I am not his/her boyfren or galfren in the past. Just that i happen to be a good fren of his/her ex-galfren/boyfren.
You will see here i never state is a he or a she. I use 'he/she' because i don't wan to offend anyone out there. And to the person i am referring to should know who you are.
I am very disappointed in you. I really didn't know you are same as him. But i think maybe he is better? I don't know.


Anyway my dear friend you have me and i have you, is enough already. I will not left you out if i have any party. I will confirm invited. You will be the first to be invited ok. Promise. =]


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Thirdly is my work.
 OH MY GOD! Just a morning only i am busy with so much things. And so many feeling in my heart that i need to settle. Also reply email and some Quote that i need to settle and things that i need to send to production.

Purposely the BIG FAT HIPPO BITCH want to irritate me. She keep stand up from her chair and just to peep on me from the back. Looking at what i am doing. I know it because i have 2 mirror on my desk. When i am not around she will start to tell people in the company that i am playing game and not doing my things.

I just heard from my colleague telling me that early in the morning she wan saying why i can play game and don't work yet the bosses still like me so much.
WTF! when did i not working?? when i am counting the Quote on my desk can you see? When i am busy  walking here and there just to settle some thing from production did you see? I am busy doing some changes on our RFQ form did you see it? Busy calling supplier asking them this and that did you see? etc etc....
You can only see me use computer play game instead of working because you don't like from the start. And i don't know is my face that irritate you from the start that why you don't like me or there i another reason i don't know.  Other then this i cant find any reason for that.

Because she is not when i come in a few days later, after seeing how i work then don't like me. Is from the first day when i step into this company she already don't like me. WHY???

Anyway i don't want her to like me now also. Because i already HATE her. Really a motherfucker. [sorry to use this word but i am just super angry.]

She really start to go around telling everyone in this company about i never work and playing game. But I am happy to have a batch of colleague that believe in me and not her.
But also because of this i must be extra careful. I want my resume to be nice when i leave this company. I don't want to spoilt it because of her.



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 Okay i think that all for today. I spend almost the whole day just to type all this. From morning until now after lunch and nearly 3pm then i finish. It took a long time to think how to type so that i wont offend anyone and also don't hurt the one i love.

Thanks for everything that you have given me. The tolerate that you have given to me and all the love, care, concern that you have shown. Is all seen in my eye only that people tend to see only the bad part when they are angry. They wont really see the good ones. This is very truth.

Thanks for all my fren and colleague that have been supporting me when i am low. Today when i come to office all of them know there is something bothering me. All asking me why am i so 'Sian' today. Anyway happen? Haha. Thanks. I really appreciate that.

Hope that there is not spelling mistake or typo. hehe

The-End

Wonderful 2D1N Bintan Trip.

I am back from bintan. It was a wonderful 2D1N. I have lots of fun there.
We say we plan to go there relax.. we are relax but also tired cos we really play too much. haha.

First day when we reach there we only have dinner.. we ate bread in the ferry. The bread tat i make from home. After we alight from the ferry it took us so long just to stamp on our passport. There is no queue at all. everyone is standing everywhere. And we just follow. After stamping we finally board on the bus to Bintan Lagoon Resort. haha. When our bus reach there we need to queue again for checking in to hotel room but they say room will only ready at 3pm. Expected. So we ask can we leave our luggage at the lobby? and they can of course. So after putting our heavy bags down we are off to play. hahaha.

First activities was...........ATV. hahahaha.

it was SUPER fun. i get to drive it for a while. mostly is my dear drive cos i am scared to drive it.. hahaha.. it hard to control on the sand and the vehicle was big. freaking big for me. hahaha.

after tat we all swimming and also massage in room. hahaha. i will not talk much.
just show you guys what we have took there.
not forgetting i have a photographer and also gt desiger and tat is ZEE (my boyfren).
Picture was mostly taken by him and all are edited by him.

I miss BINTAN man..

i am sooo going back there man.

we are planing for the next trip le.. haha. we maybe going back to bintan on nov but staying in the different hotel. haha..

Looking forward to our next trip. haha